Men Don't Cry, Really ?

 The so called 90's kids must be remembering the famous dialogue from Bollywood film, "Mard" starring Amitabh Bachchan which says "Mard Ko Kabhi Dard Nahi Hota" ( Men don't feel pain). How proud we felt hearing that line again and again. It almost became tag line to represent masculinity. It isn't just used to portrait men as dominant but also has also become a punch line to ridicule someone as being less of a man than others.

Such is the patriarchal nature of society that any type of feeling or emotion that may make one appear weak is instantaneously dubbed as feminine characteristics. Be it the feeling of care, love, politeness or emotions like crying or getting sad, it is considered as something that only suits to women or girls. While anger, assertiveness, dominance are linked to men. In childhood when we fell while playing or cried for petty things, immediately we heard a taunt, "Kya Ladkiyon Ki Tarah Rote Ho ?" (Why do you cry like girls ?). And such things weren't said in vain rather it used to have immediate impact, something that have been reinforced in us with time. Now it is so deeply entrenched in us that we almost consider it an embarrassment to cry in front of others doesn't matter how much pain we are in. 

Is it so that men don't cry or they shouldn't cry ? The answer is an absolute negative. Emotions, feelings are what makes us living beings and the ability to express it in most effective way is what makes us humans. If happiness, joy, celebration doesn't have a gender bias then why does crying gets linked to one particular gender. In my opinion most people don't cry not because they are strong but because they are afraid what others will think of him. Crying makes us appear weak which runs contrary to the notion of masculinity. 

Often I wonder, how can someone hold on to their tears or emotions when they have lost or feels like losing something or someone they really care about. How many of us haven't seen a father crying when her daughter bids farewell after marriage, is that a sign of weakness, absolutely no. How often do we see a man breakdown when things go awry either in family or relationships. 

So, does it also mean that those who don't cry are really strong ? The answer to this question can vary from person to person. Firstly, there is a kind of people who may be so down and out because of responsibilities that they may not have time to cry. How many of us haven't seen the food delivery guy in some metropolis crying while standing in the traffic under heavy rain. Who knows his pain, I doubt, hardly anyone. Secondly are the kind of people who may not have anyone to understand and listen to them who are left alone in their struggle. Sometimes such people emerge victorious and sometimes they give up, the fate of Atul Subhash is case in point. Crying doesn't always signifies one's inability to control emotions, rather it also reflects the relative importance of someone or something in your life which is very individual and hence should not be shaped by what others think about it. If I talk about myself, during college days, every time I failed in my interviews I cried like a child, not because I failed but whom I failed. I still do because I know what and who matters to me and how much, why should I let other shape my emotions.

The biggest challenge of this notion of men don't cry is that it gives rise to toxic masculinity where a person shows a happy face outside while he is being eaten by his tsunami of emotions from inside. It also breeds the domestic violence as the pain that should have been vented out in form of tears, comes out in the form of anger and rage. In order to maintain our false notion of strength in peer groups or immediate surroundings we ruin our relationships in personal sphere because there we are who we are no matter what.

As long as people continue to take pride in the aforementioned false notion of macho man, they will continue to suffer. We must remember that true courage lies not in hiding emotions but in letting it out in front of right people at right time. When I say right people, I mean it because very few are serious and rest are just curious. So don't let your feelings become source of curiosity for others, it just leads to more ridiculing nothing else.

 At last I would recall this beautiful line that " heavy hearts like heavy clouds are better off if a little water is let go". So, my friends it's okay to cry but keep going. If you can't find shoulders to cry on, you can certainly find pillows and quite room to vent out your emotions but don't forget to come back not for those who made you cry but for yourself because you are always special.