FRIENDSHIP

 In 2015, after my 12th was over, I was all set to leave for Kota for IIT JEE preparations, something which was a fait accompli in a typical middle class family. Yet, there was a certain degree of apprehension about me going out of home that far and for that long. There was no such doubt when my elder brother went just two years back, then why in my case. And I found the answer when my grandfather asked me that how will I manage on my own away from home when I don't even make friends. 

Though it was a fact that I was not really good at being someone's friend and never really tried to be one. Such was my condition that not even one friend visited my home till the second half of class 12th and I certainly didn't go to anyone's home either. Even my younger siblings used to have their friends regularly visiting them but that wasn't the case with me. But I never realised that having friends is so important that my prospects of going out for studies also was contingent upon my capacity to make friends or should I say the desire to be a friend.

Today, here there , now and then we call every other person a friend such is it's significance in our day to day life. Why is so ? For that let us go into the etymology of word enemy which traces it's origin to Latin word 'inimicus' that simply translates to 'not a friend'. So, anyone and everyone who is not an enemy is by default a friend. And I would say that's a nice thing. As has been said that consider everyone good until they prove you wrong. Similarly, we can say that consider everyone friend until....

So, seems we have defined friendship or atleast the criteria of it. True, but is it that generic as it sounds, certainly not. Hope you remember what I mentioned about Shailesh Lodha and his assertion that friendship is overused and undervalued concept for us. And I can't disagree at all, not out of respect for him but based on my own experience with friendship.

I hope you got a glimpse of my experience about friendship in school days earlier, hence I wasn't sure how it would be in Kota and then in college. But let me tell you in no uncertain terms that what I experienced in those two places has changed my perspective about friendship completely. 

My early days in Kota is not worth mentioning. And I have no hesitation in accepting that had it not been the support of one of my friends there, I wouldn't have stayed even a week there. I won't name him, otherwise I will have to name alot of going ahead. 

However, it was during college days in Delhi, that I realised how beautiful friendship can be and I am not exaggerating things here. Being away from home for several months at a time for a homesick person like me was no small feat and yet it was made possible just because of the friends I made. And I guess, we all must have had such experience, may be much better and memorable than mine. 

Today, when I look back at those four years of college life, I guess I didn't achieve much. And I am being very practical here, neither did I got a job nor I did trips and never did I had any girlfriend (Lol!), it was a below average college life and this is not grievance. Yet I still cherish those four years just because of the friends I made and I mean it when I say it.

Friendship is the most important non-blood relationship one can have in life. When people like us who have to go far away from home, sometimes out of choice and often out of compulsion, then there are people who make us feel like we are at home. And don't we see very often that people name their whatsapp group of friends as Family 2.0 or Extended Family and many more like this. We don't do it just for optics, there is certainly a substance behind that. Being away from home doesn't just create physical separation with family but also emotional and psychological one, we start to hide things, our failures, challenges, and our problems with them, we starts to feel low, down and out. And yet there are those to wrap their hands around our shoulders to not just console us but also to listen to us even if we are talking nonsense. I would like to add here that one of the tallest leaders of our time once said in an interview that everyone should have atleast one person in their life with whom they can share each and every thing either good or bad but don't tell who that person is. For people like us who are away from home and noticeable generational gap with parents and family, unquestionably that one person is always a friend.

Such is the significance of this relationship in our life that when one is asked about one prerequisite or quality which one expects in their spouse, there is a near unanimous convergence on the quality of being a good friend. And we are seeing the rising trend where people of our generation are taking friendship to whole new level where the promise of being friends for life is actually being solemnised through marriages where friendship remains the foundation of such relationship forever. It is not just a generational shift in practice of marriage but also progressive in the sense that it gives rise to sense of equality, equity and mutual respect.

However it is not that having friends is all about just fun, creating memories, doing mischief or pulling each other's legs. A true friendship acts as the conscience keeper and a guide for us. It is not just about celebrating the happy moments but also about finding ways to get out of not so good moments and situations. It is not just about appreciating the success but also about guiding out of failures. It is also about telling the truth on face when one is mistaken rather than hiding it just to be good in each other's eyes because that is certainly the recipe for disaster. Bravado and support along with the courage to do constructive criticism should be the binding factor for a good long lasting friendship. 

So, is friendship so beautiful to lose every thing behind it, then there I would say nothing is absolute in this world. It's good to have friends but not good to lose yourself behind friendship. One of my friends once told me that if you will blindly follow someone, it may be doubtful whether you would become a friend or not but you will certainly end up becoming a follower which simply means to have lost yourself. In short, I would say be kind but know your worth. It's totally fine to make someone feel special but never forget that you are special to. There is a very clear line between being a friend and a follower, never let that line get blurred. 

Another aspect of friendship is the gender aspect. And I would say, it is completely okay to be biased towards a friend from opposite gender, it is quite a human nature which can't be overcome by all and I don't think there is a need either. Yet I would say that when we say friend or friendship, it doesn't really signifies any particular gender unless your expressions say otherwise and I would think we should let it be gender neutral. Afterall, what we need is trust, certainty, honesty and reliability and that is dependent on human nature and not gender.

So, at last I would say friends are like beautiful street lights who can not shorten your path but can definitely lighten it to make your journey easy. And if you have even one such streetlight in your life, be assured my friends your path will have enough light to make your next step safe and solid. And all those who found some resonance with my thoughts do remember the famous songs from Sholay(Ye dosti ham nahi todenge....) and Yaarana(Yaara tere yaari ko, Maine to khuda mana.....) starring none other than Big B.